By Peter Nowak and Emily Mathieu. National Post.
Cremation? How boring. From being shot into space to being turned into jewellery, here are 10 creative ways to be launched into the next world
Traditional burial? Old-fashioned. Cremation? So last century. As a growing number of dearly departed can attest — were they able to attest — dreary funerals and stuffy cremations are thoroughly unimaginative ways to shuffle off this mortal coil. After all, if you gotta go, you might as well go in style.
Thankfully for such souls, not even death can escape human innovation. Creative entrepreneurs have come up with many new ways to beat the monotony of old traditions and, of course, make a tidy profit on the side.
So, forget the boring and staid. Here are 10 ways to meet the reaper with panache:
1. The final frontier: How about going where no one — OK, only a few people — have gone before? Star Trek creator Gene Roddenberry and LSD guru Timothy Leary are among the luminaries whose ashes have been launched into space (Star Trek’s Scotty, James Doohan, will join them early next year). Space Services Inc. provides several options for space burial. The cheapest option, starting at US$495, is the Earth-return service, where the deceased’s ashes are taken for a quick ride into space before coming back down. Going into deep space starts at US$12,500 for one gram of ashes, up to US$67,495 for 14 grams (spaceservicesinc.com).
2. Dust in the wind: Thanks to the people of Sweden for giving comedians everywhere the opportunity to take “rest-in-pieces” jokes to an entirely new level. Promession involves dipping remains in liquid nitrogen, then “gently vibrating” them until they become a coarse, environmentally-friendly dust. The city of Jonkoping, Sweden, has been cleared to open the first facility or promatorium. Costs have yet to be determined (promessafoundation.org).
3. A chilling way to go: Ever wonder what life might be like in the 25th century? Cryogenic freezing — or cryonics — may be for you. The Arizona-based Alcor Life Extension Foundation has been freezing people — to be awoken once science can successfully cheat death — since 1972. It’s not terribly cheap or easy though. Interested parties need to become Alcor members and the process costs US$180,000 (or US$80,000 for just the brain). It’s reserved for the rich, for those who plan really far ahead or for those who want to sign their life insurance policy over to Alcor (alcor.org).
4. Going commando: Aside from anything involving extremely high or low temperatures, natural burial is one of the quickest ways to get your body parts directly back into the Earth. All it involves is you, a shroud and a quiet patch of land — clothing optional. As a bonus, once you’re buried, the land is protected because Canadian law says you cannot be disinterred. Green Springs Natural Burial Cemetery, 40 hectares near Ithaca, N.Y., opened in 2005. It costs US$500 for a 4 1/2-metre- square plot of land; burial is US$350. Buying in bulk gets you a 15% discount. The Natural Burial Co- operative (naturalburial.ca) is working on bringing natural burial to Canada.
5. That sinking feeling: The government of Canada frowns on sea burial, mostly because it doesn’t want bodies being trawled up by unsuspecting fishermen. Nevertheless, for the determined the complicated process works like this: First, a funeral home needs to apply for a permit on the person’s behalf, which costs $2,500. The home then needs to publish a notice of intent in the local newspaper. The applicant must also get a medical certificate stating that he or she is free from infectious disease, the casket must meet strict specifications and the deceased cannot be embalmed. The burial site also needs to be at least three nautical miles from land. Sounds like a lot of trouble just to sleep with the fishes.
6. Reef madness: A considerably less-sodden way to get deep- sixed. Eternal Reefs offers people a chance to mix a loved one’s remains into a concrete form that looks like a cross between a massive honeycomb and dirt-encrusted soccer ball. Once it hardens, it will become part of an artificial reef. A metal plate bearing your loved one’s name can be attached. Other offerings include the Nautilus for couples and the Pearl for pets. Memorial reef blocks range from US$995 to US$5,000 and US$495 for pets (eternalreefs.com).
7. Forget the blues, jazz it up: The jazz funeral is a New Orleans’ tradition previously reserved for local musicians and celebrities. But these days, it is available to anyone. The parade starts with the deceased’s family and friends, accompanied by a brass band, which plays a dirge from the funeral home or church to the cemetery. After the burial, the tempo goes upbeat and the partying and dancing begin. The funeral finishes off with a repast, where stories and memories of the deceased are shared. A horse- drawn carriage, brass band, parade permit and repast will run at least US$7,000, according to the Backstreet Museum in New Orleans. Bands who do this sort of thing include the New Birth Brass Band (newbirthbrass.com) and the Storyville Stompers (storyvillestompers.com).
8. You always wanted to be on TV: It was only a matter of time before technology transformed the stuffy old tombstone. Colorado- based Vidstone LLC has the Serenity Panel — a seven-inch LCD panel that attaches to the stone and plays a video or slideshow tribute to the deceased, complete with sound. The solar-powered, weather-proof unit sells for about US$2,000, and can play a seven- to 10-minute tribute. Customers can produce their own videos or have Vidstone do it for an additional cost. If only it were available in high- definition (vidstone.com).
9. Treehugging, literally: A U.K. artist collective, based in Japan, is redefining the concept of the living memorial. Biopresence, which started as a student art project, wants to infuse human DNA into the cells of trees. The idea is to combine materials from the two lifeforms, piggybacking the human DNA under the amino acids in the tree cells and nurturing the product to the point where the hybrid can be planted. The founders are currently looking for venture capital funding to start an independent laboratory. Estimated price tag: roughly $35,000 (biopresence.com).
10. Family jewels redefined: Keep your loved ones close to your heart — or on your hand or outer lapel. Illinois-based LifeGem creates synthetic diamonds by heating and compressing carbon samples, hair or ashes from the dearly departed. Available in shades of blue or yellow “like a sunset captured in time or a wave upon the ocean,” the stones can be pressed, cut and shipped in 24 weeks. Prices range from US$3,200 to US$19,000 for loose stones. Cuts are included in the cost, settings are extra (lifegem.com).
Put aside US$67,495 to shoot 14 grams of your ashes into space. You or your pet can become part of an ocean reef for prices ranging from US$495 to US$5,000. If you want to stay close at hand, turn yourself into a gem for between US$3,200 to US$19,000.